Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
