I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
