but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
