I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
