I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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