They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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