sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
