My room smells like vodka and shame
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
