what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
