the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
