Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
