We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
