i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
