I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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