C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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