i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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