I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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