I looked at my own cervix.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
