Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
