Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
