We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
