I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Man, jail baloney is awful.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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