hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just cropdusted the office
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
