I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
