Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have already put on my inside pants.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
