just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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