dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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