I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
