she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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