i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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