Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
