wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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