i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I pour the whiskey from now on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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