Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
