so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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