Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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