I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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