I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
