Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
