My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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