You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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