she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found the puke drawer
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're too hungover to prance.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
