Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
