i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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