I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
