walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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