I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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