Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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