I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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