you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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