i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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