I feel great
I just peed on a car
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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