Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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