if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
