That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
