hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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