It was confusing and full of hummus
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
