if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
