I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
