Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
