she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
