I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
