I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We named our party play list daddy issues
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
