So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?