i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros