Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.