i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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