so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
