Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
