it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
