So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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