So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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