Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
