Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Text me some of your sweat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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