i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
