1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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