I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
