the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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